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Habits

Habits Woman with coffee and Bible

Habits change into character.  – Ovid

Whether we like it or not, our days are full of habits. They can be good habits … or they can be bad habits. Yes – we all have those, too. Some patterns are thought-out, and others come so instinctively they’re second nature to our daily routine. 

Take a minute and think about your morning routine. What’s the first thing you do when your feet hit the floor? Do you head to the bathroom and brush your teeth or make a line straight for the coffee maker to get the first cup of life-giving caffeine brewing? Whichever way you start the day – that’s a habit. 

What habits in your life would you like to change? 

According to Medical News Today, breaking a bad habit can take anywhere from 18-250 days.  That feels a little overwhelming. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to do it alone. When we set our hearts and mind on a positive change and allow God to help us do the work, we can create new and better habits for ourselves and our marriage. 

As we worked through Tim’s affair and the aftermath, our daily habits and mindsets toward each other needed to transform. Drastically! We could no longer take each other or our marriage for granted. Instead, we cultivated mindful and healthy habits that, over time, led to restoration and healing in our marriage. While it took very conscious action and effort from each of us, it was worth any number of days to break the old habits and develop new patterns that would lead us to a much higher level of satisfaction and contentment in our marriage.

As you look at your daily habits and patterns, take the time (no matter how many days!) to embrace and take steps toward the habit changes you need to make. Romans 12:2 tells us to not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our mind. 

Do you tend to be impatient with your spouse? Start a habit of slowing down and practicing pause and patience. Has anger caused distance in your marriage? Take a moment and breathe before responding to your spouse. With time, practice, and effort – habits can change.

Allow God to shift your habits and patterns, and your mindset (renewing of our minds) toward those habits. Then resolve to make the change. Your spouse and your marriage will thank you for it.

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

 

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Leaning Into Our Healer vs. The Healing

Jehovah Rapha. He is the Lord who heals.

 

When you are in a season of unknowns, a season of pain, where do you look for help? As we are walking a difficult journey, we can become so intently focused on our healing that we forget about our Healer. Instead, we focus on the wilderness and the seemingly endless trek back to wholeness.

While leaning into your healing journey is crucial, it’s vital to your path to seek the Healer – Jehovah Rapha, the One who heals. 

Psalm 147:3 tells us, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” This verse shows that He will heal you wholly, from your broken heart and spirit all the way to physical wounds. He is the God of complete healing, and He wants to pull you out of the pain, restore you, and refresh your weary soul.

How long has it been since you’ve felt His peace wash over you, bringing comfort and love and quenching your spirit?

The Bible reminds us over and over of His faithfulness, love, and healing – for you:

 

“The Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous.”

Psalms 146:8

 

He will lift your head, heart, and spirit as you seek healing.

 

“This what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: ‘I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.'”

2 Kings 20:5

 

He sees you, and He knows the depth of your pain. This verse is a promise of His healing!

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

 

You don’t have to strive. You only need to go to Him, and He will give you rest (in your heart, mind, and body). 

 

As you travel the path of your healing process, you can lean into these verses for peace and comfort. But more importantly – trust in the Healer. There you’ll find quiet and calm for your worn-out soul.

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Chosen

For such a time as this…

You Are Chosen

I just love the story of Esther. A queen – beautiful, strong, and proud – and unique. However, Esther didn’t always understand how God could use her to save her people. 

You see, Esther was chosen. Despite unknown and even dangerous circumstances, Esther decided to lean into her faith and step into the calling God had chosen just for her. 

My dear friend, you are chosen too. 

What If?

And what if:

  • Like Esther, you could genuinely believe God chose you. He did.

Jeremiah 1:5 tells us, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

and before you were born I consecrated you…” 

He knew you before you were even created.

  • You could comprehend how great God’s love is – for you.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. – Ephesians 3:18
Deeper than the deepest ocean, higher than the highest mountain. His love is greater.

  • You know He will always choose you.

You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you … – John 15:16

He chooses you. 

Chosen Through Pain and Healing

While Tim and I were walking out our healing journey after his betrayal, I came to understand – much like Esther – I was chosen, too. The pain was real, and the hurt felt never-ending some days. But through my heartbreak, God showed me that I would help other women through their difficulties and walk alongside them in their healing journey. He chose me. 

And He has chosen you. While our stories may not be quite like Esther’s, God can and will use our brokenness, even when we may not see a way through. 

You are chosen and dearly loved, and He cares about the depth of your pain. I pray you will feel His very real and abiding presence today.

I will be glad and rejoice in Your unfailing love, for You have seen my troubles, and You care about the anguish of my soul. (Psalm 31:7)

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Life Is Still Beautiful

It’s a Wonderful Life. If you’ve seen this classic Christmas film, you no doubt walked away feeling uplifted and encouraged about life. But maybe your real life isn’t feeling so picturesque right now, and you’re wondering just how to get back to that wonderful, peaceful place. 

Life can still be beautiful, even in the pain and the mess.

But how, you ask? Here are a few tips that might help you find some glimpses of the loveliness that is your life.

  • Cultivate a grateful heart

When we are stuck in our own stuff, it’s hard to see past the discouraging things in our lives. But – the hope and joy that will come with a shift toward a grateful heart can change things! Take the time to write down at least one thing each day for which you’re thankful. Start small each day, and watch your grateful list grow!

  • Do your best to avoid a negative attitude

I know it’s not easy! And it won’t mean rainbows and sunshine every day. But intentionally working toward a positive rather than negative attitude can help you refocus and move toward seeing the beauty in your life.

  • Pursue your calling and purpose

God has called you. You are chosen, and He has plans for you. What passions has He laid on your heart? Follow your God-given passions relentlessly and watch the pain fade as you affect those around you for the good. Your life’s purpose will become more apparent. 

  • Help others

You can find fulfillment and happiness by helping others – especially during the holiday season. When we are the hands and feet of Jesus through our care for others, our problems become dimmer, less ‘big.’

  • Give yourself grace

Understand that this is a season. While doing your best as you walk through this challenging time in your life, allow yourself the same grace you would extend to others. And know you are never alone! He goes before you, and promises to be with you. Hebrews 13:5 reminds us: ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’

  • Remember, you have hope!

Because of the baby boy sent to us over two-thousand years ago and His great love for us – there is hope!

I pray during this Christmas season, you can find that life is still beautiful. 

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

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Being Intentional

Over the years, as I’ve gained experience and wisdom, one of my goals has been to be more intentional with my life. Deliberate daily actions, from my prayer life to my relationships and thoughts. And especially in my healing. You see, when pain and hurts are left unchecked and not processed, they can grow larger and larger, allowing bitterness and unforgiveness to take hold. So I’ve decided to intentionally take steps in my own healing. 

Devastated

When Tim’s affair came to light, I was completely and utterly devastated.

I was left feeling unprotected, vulnerable, and unworthy. The decision was entirely mine: begin taking daily steps toward healing or allow the heartbreak to take over my life. I chose to be intentional about my healing so our marriage could be restored. I can’t say it was easy, this decision of moving forward and facing the pain. It was indeed a journey, full of down and discouraging days – but also full of self-discovery and drawing nearer to God.

Being Intentional In Acceptance

The process began with acceptance. Although it hurt, I had to accept the reality of Tim’s affair. This first step can be a doozy, especially when our hearts would rather deny the facts – but it’s necessary to move forward. I needed to make changes and do things differently than I had been doing. 

I needed to get unstuck and find my value again outside the circumstances. When feelings of unworthiness crept in, I would hold fast to God’s love for me and continue to look to Him for my comfort, peace, and worth. I reached out for help from friends, counselors, and coaches. I leaned on them for wisdom, discernment, and support. 

Intentional Healing

By intentionally seeking healing, my heart and mindset were changed – and our marriage survived and began thriving again. 

Are you in a season of pain and hurt? One that feels as if it will never change or improve?

You can begin walking toward healing by starting with intention. 

Accept the circumstance for what it is, and then choose what needs to change in your life. Hold tight to God’s promises and His love over you. Then take action – intentionally. 

Psalm 139:13-14

For you formed my innermost parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. 

  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Diana would welcome a chance to speak with you about your healing — no obligations, no pressure.

Speak With Diana
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Divine Detours

As I reflect back through the years of my life, I can see how the twists and turns, the ups and downs, were always woven by the hand of God. Some of the paths were straight, some were anything but straight, and there were many divine detours along the way! 

So, what exactly does a divine detour look like? 

We can take ourselves off the course God has for us, and He can still redeem. He will often bring a person into our lives to redirect us or open (or close!) a door when we have been reluctant to let go of that door knob. 

Or, through the choices and actions of another – and no fault of our own, we can find ourselves on detours. These can feel like a never-ending roundabout that keeps us spinning wildly out of control. And yet, He can still redeem. 

What does God do with our detours? 

Ultimately, God will always use our detours for His purposes (ah, there’s the divine!). When we allow Him to walk us through that alternate route – His detour – so that we can see His purpose and plan for our lives. It may not be the easy path or the simple way, but if we allow it, there will always be a lesson to be learned!

When Tim’s affair derailed and fully detoured our marriage, I had to decide. What would I do with the diversion? This wasn’t the path I had envisioned for my life. Would I allow it to keep me headed down the path of bitterness and unforgiveness, or would I allow God to come in and change my heart? I made the choice to allow God to use Tim’s infidelity for His greater purpose. That not only altered the course of our marriage but has also enabled us to help many others through difficult times in their relationships. 

With an open heart and mind, I gained a new perspective on my own marriage and a unique view of the marriage relationship. God grew me in ways I could never have cultivated in my own power. While it certainly was not an easy or enjoyable journey, I can see as I look back down that winding path that God was walking with me through it all and leading me gently. Leading me to a greater purpose than just my own healing. 

God can and will use our detours – both to help us and to help others through them. 

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Silencing Your Inner Critic

Studies have shown that of our daily thoughts, a staggering 80% are attributed to negative thoughts. Even more shocking? 95% of those thoughts are repeating themselves day after day. 

That’s enough to bring your entire day to a screeching (and somewhat depressing!) halt.

If we allow it, our Inner Critic can take over, running wild with fault-finding and disparaging thoughts. 

So, what exactly is the Inner Critic? The critical inner voice is a ‘well-integrated pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others. The nagging “voices,” or thoughts, that make up this internalized dialogue are at the root of much of our self-destructive and maladaptive behavior. It is experienced as thoughts within your head. This stream of destructive thoughts forms an anti-self that discourages individuals from acting in their best interest.’

Our negative thought patterns – the Inner Critic, can come from all sorts of places: past hurts, pains, and judgments from which we haven’t healed. These past injuries can come from caregivers, peers, teachers – adults who are or have been of influence to us – or even from our own childhood traumas or experiences. 

The Inner Critic can cause our thought train to run right off the tracks when we start entertaining such beliefs as:

  • I’m not pretty, smart, or talented enough                                            
  • My personality isn’t fun or exciting
  • Oh, I could never do that
  • I’m not popular, and I just don’t fit in
  • The negativity list could go on and on, couldn’t it?

Do any of these ring true for you? They sure do for me. I can recall my very own Inner Critic, all the way back to my teenage years, when the self-doubt and internalizing really began. Some days, it would follow me around like a dark cloud, feeding the negative self-talk and condemnation. Some days, it still does.

So, what steps can be taken to silence the Inner Critic or the voice of negativity over our lives? 

  • Begin to have an awareness of your thoughts
  • Take power over the negative thoughts; discard the old and replace them with new truths
  • Stop rehearsing and ruminating on those thoughts
  • Think about the advice you would give a friend if they had these critical thoughts. What would you say to them? Remind yourself gently of the same.
  • Replace critical thoughts with truthful statements. Balance acceptance with self-improvement
  • And remember: they are your thoughts – so you can choose how to handle those thoughts. You can silence the Inner Critic.

Where do you find yourself struggling with your Inner Critic today? 

What steps do you most need to focus on in order to combat the critical inner voice and begin to replace those thoughts with new truths?

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

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When Things Don’t Go As Planned

Life is sailing along quite smoothly: a great job, picture-perfect kiddos who are active in all the things, a supportive spouse, and a wonderful church you attend with your family. You’re living out everything you’d ever wanted and dreamed of as a little girl! 

But what happens when things don’t go as planned?

Your job is downsized due to economic conditions, causing financial strain and, in turn – marital issues. Perhaps your spouse’s parent becomes chronically ill, and your family is now the caregiver. Even our sweet and fun little ones can become difficult and even a little rebellious as they hit the teenage years. Maybe you’re just disappointed in your marriage. You’ve both drifted, and now you’re left feeling disconnected. Or perhaps there’s been a betrayal.

These unexpected (and very unwanted) situations in our lives can leave us feeling out of control and utterly unsure of which way to turn. 

So, what can we do when life takes a turn in a direction we weren’t expecting? 

Gather support. For yourself and for your family. 

Does your church have pastoral or counseling care? Take them up on it. 

Seek out coaching or counseling. 

Be wise and reach out for help!

Communicate.

Keep talking with your spouse and your family. Shutting down will build walls. 

Self-care.

Prioritize your needs, too. 

Prayer.

Most of all, cover your situation in prayer. 

When I received the very unwelcome news of Tim’s affair, needless to say – I was devastated. 

It was definitely not in my plans! 

But, I took steps to take care of myself, get help and support, and work through the situation – day-by-day. 

Years later, I’m so grateful that I did.

If things aren’t going quite as you expected today, what steps can you begin to take to turn things around?

Visit Coach Diana at http://www.dianajourny.com/services/coaching/

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Positive Mental Attitudes and Thoughts, Actions, and Emotions

Growing up, most of us heard this from our moms: ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’ 

What a concept this is. 

Even though a thought forms in your head – it doesn’t have to come out of your mouth! Because we all know – what comes out of our mouths can undoubtedly be hurtful at times, and it may even leave lasting emotional scars.

We like to call this TAE:

  • Thoughts
  • Actions
  • Emotions

Our thoughts lead to our actions. Our actions (whether good or bad) can then lead to our emotions. Have you ever caught yourself at the beginning of a negative thought spiral? One little thought can lead to a misspoken word or a poor action. The negative emotions then follow, affecting the whole of the relationship.

But, we do have a choice (as Mom was always good to point out!)! 

…and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds.. Ephesians 4:23

And we like to call this PMA:

  • Positive
  • Mental
  • Attitude

When we choose a Positive Mental Attitude, perhaps our Thoughts, Actions, and Emotions ‘outcome’ will be much better. 

For example, when we strive to focus on the positive (thoughts) rather than the negative characteristics of our spouse, we will speak encouraging and affirming words to them (actions). This, in turn, will lead to a more connected relationship (emotions). 

When Tim and I have gone through times of struggle, we have had to intentionally choose to maintain our positive mental attitude toward one another. We’ve had to purposefully make choices to tame our thoughts, our actions, and our emotions when they want to run wild. We know it’s not always easy! Have we always gotten it just right? No! But we keep choosing PMA toward each other and in life’s situations. 

And – we will never forget Mom’s sage advice to just not say anything at all if it isn’t nice!

Choose each other first through Positive Mental Attitude and then with your Thoughts, Actions, and Emotions. We promise it’s a daily decision you will never look back and regret.

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Bitter Or Better

I believe most of us have that ‘one’ friend, family member, or acquaintance; you know the one. You beeline for a completely different aisle when you see her in the grocery store! No time for this today!

Why? The negativity, self-pity, and same-ole-story routine can be just plain exhausting.

She’s choosing bitterness.

Bitterness is a choice. We can remain stuck in unforgiveness, anger, and resentment – or we can choose the better option of forgiveness, joy, and contentment (yes, it is possible!). 

How we choose to respond to unexpected and unwanted situations in our life will determine if we remain caught in bitterness or if we move forward to healthier emotional outcomes.

Let’s face it. Life is going to throw us some curveballs. Job loss, broken relationships, illnesses, and the death of loved ones – just to name a few. Yet, through all of it, we get to choose. Will the roots of bitterness take hold? Or can we make the (hard!) decision to choose hope, peace, and even freedom? 

To break free is not the easy choice – this, I know! 

As we are walking with my son, Matthew, through health issues, I get to choose. Do I stay in faith and remain positive and hopeful, even when the unknown is so hard, or will I let the fear and anxiety creep in and take hold? 

When Tim revealed his affair and my world came tumbling down, I had to choose. Would I walk the road of unforgiveness or take intentional steps toward forgiveness and healing – even when it seemed impossible? 

At times, it seems as if these decisions and choices must be made daily. I know this well. But, making the better choice to draw near to God, to set your mind on healing and joy over anger, negativity, and contempt – will allow hope to arise in you! 

Hebrews 4:31-32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 

Get the Bitter or Better free resource!!

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