It’s my birthday! No, I don’t want birthday wishes or anything. So, why am I telling you this? Because I’m struggling with getting older. There I said it, truth is out. I just don’t like adding another year to my age and not being able to do anything about it.

You might be wondering how old I am, or maybe you already know. The truth is, I just can’t say the number. Why? Because I don’t want to! I also have a perspective of what my age looks like. And I just I don’t feel that old.

My perspective on my age and how I feel are miles apart. For years now, I have joked with my granddaughter that it’s my 29^th birthday. Every year, she plays along with me, even though she knows it’s not true. Of course, when she was younger, she was a bit confused that each year I was the same age. Going back to not feeling my age, the truth is, I feel young! Sure, maybe it’s not 29, but it’s certainly not… Nope, ain’t gonna say it.

OK, when I look in the mirror, I see that I am not 29. There are true signs of aging that just happen over time. Yep, there are wrinkles and sagging that wasn’t there when I was 29 or even in the last several years.

I don’t feel I am alone in dealing with the difference between what our perspective of an age is and how we are feeling. Haven’t you heard that 60 is the new 40, 70 is the new 50, etc.? So, if I’m the new 40, what does it mean? Well, studies are showing that people are living longer today, they’re healthier, and they’re enjoying life more. Bottom line, older people are feeling younger these days, and I am one of them!

There is even more really good news: today, the average age for someone moving into a nursing home is 81. In the 1950’s, it was 65. Also, it’s not uncommon for someone to retire earlier and then start a totally new career. Men and women in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s are running marathons. Seniors are not just sitting in an easy chair watching the news; they are out teaching and taking classes, traveling. Seniors are just getting the most out of life.

So, with all this good news, why does a number bother me so much? Being a Life Coach, I know it’s a mindset. Something to get over and move on from. But I don’t’ want to. Yes, I know that aging is natural, and age is a perspective. But I still carry the image of past loved ones who at my age looked and acted so much older. I’m not them! I feel young!

So, what do I do? Well, for today, I will enjoy the celebration that my husband and family planned. I will have some fun and hold my head high as I celebrate my 29^th birthday again!

A while back, I flew out to spend a week with my daughter Mia, her husband Sam and their first baby Aiden—then only two weeks old. I was so excited to meet my newest grandson! Having a newborn in the house meant there would be some big changes and adjustments for their little family. I wanted to help smooth the way for them, so I spent my time helping in any way I could, from organizing Aiden’s room to soothing him when he was crying to let his parents get a little extra sleep. It was sweet to be together and make lovely memories. The week passed quickly and the time came for me to head home.

Before my daughter took me to the airport, we met Sam for lunch.  My grandson slept while we enjoyed our food and savored the precious quality time. When we glanced at the clock, we couldn’t believe how fast lunch had been. We had to get me to my flight! Sam quickly paid the bill and I threw in five dollars for the tip. As we were heading to the car, we realized Aiden needed a diaper change, so we stopped one more time. Finally, we were off to the airport. As we got close to the airport, I realized I would need to check my bag outside if I wanted it to make the flight with me; there wasn’t enough time for me to check my bag at the counter.  Because I had thrown in a five for the tip at the restaurant, I realized I only had a twenty-dollar bill left. Now I had a dilemma; how will I pay the porter? I always tip porters but that amount seemed like too much.

My mind was vacillating. Should I tip him or not?  After all, I only have one bag. Surely not tipping once won’t be that bad, right? Or maybe I can ask for change? I knew that if I gave him the cash I had, I would not have any money for the rest of my trip! I had a layover on my way home and I would probably want a snack. A twenty really did seem overly generous for one small bag. However, time was of the essence so I had to make up my mind quickly.

Mia dropped me off and I went up to the curbside check in. The porter took my bag for the fast process and assured me that my bag would make the flight. Now what should I do?

I stood for what felt like an eternity, still unsure what to do, to just give him the money or ask for change.  I looked him in the eyes and simply handed him the twenty-dollar bill.  As he took it and it dawned on him what was happening, his face softened and there was sincere appreciation in his eyes as he said, “Aw, thank you, Miss!”

            As I turned to walk away, I said, “No, thank you”.  Even though I initially struggled with what to do, there was a valuable lesson for me to learn that day. Sincere appreciation is more valuable than any monetary value.  Giving away my last dollar was worth the cost. The simple act of giving the porter an unexpected tip made his day and his reaction made mine. Lighthearted, I walked away. Sure, I had less money in my pocket but my heart was filled with pure joy, knowing I had given an unexpected gift. The reward was in the giving and it was more valuable than the worth of the bill.

Visiting my daughter recently, I noticed she had put the cards on display that she’d recently received for her birthday. There they were all on top of her mantel. I looked at each card; some were pretty while others had a silly picture. Spending time looking at each card was peaceful and brought back memories.  I picked up the card with the golden retriever on the front. The golden has its head sticking out the window, loving the wind in its face.  It brought back memories of our two goldens, Madis and Blue.           

I loved that she, too, displayed her cards. I have always done the same.  DisplayIng cards I receive always invites me to enjoy the excitement that I felt when I first saw the envelope in the mailbox.  It feels like the pure joy of knowing someone cares. Receiving cards makes me feel special and that is why it’s important to me to display the cards. I remind myself of the truth. Yes, someone cared enough to think of me!

Any occasion that I receive cards, I put them on the mantel on display for everyone.  Not only for others to see, but more as a reminder for myself.  It feels good to remember that someone had thought enough to hand pick a special card!  Yes, a card picked just for me!  I feel so much love from people knowing they cared enough that I made their Christmas card list or they remembered my birthday.  The cards on the mantel allow me to bask in the warm feelings of knowing that someone cared enough.

Am I any different from you?  Doesn’t it feel good to know that someone cares?  Someone made a trip to the store, took the time to read through many cards until they found the exact one.  For the person buying the card it’s a simple act of thoughtfulness, but for the receiver it touches their heart, Yes, someone cared enough to let them know they are special.

As I take down the cards from my birthday, Christmas or whatever the event, to make room for the next batch of cards to come in, reminiscing while reading each card again reminding myself how blessed I am.  Making a mental note to return the kindness and thoughtfulness.  To give back the gift of letting them know that I care enough to take the time to pick that perfect card for them.

Putting the cards away, my mind drifts back to growing up.  I can see my mom placing Christmas cards on the mantel of the red brick fireplace.  Dressed with poinsettias and Christmas stocking.  A tradition has been handed down.  Three generations are carrying on the tradition of cards on the mantel.  I wonder if one day my granddaughters will place cards they receive on their mantels? 

Just after Christmas last year, I discovered that my checking account was almost empty!  It had been a wonderful holiday as the whole family had come to stay. Our house had been full of activities, laughter and love. Now it was empty and so was our bank account.  Entertaining and feeding a group of 17 is expensive. Add to that buying the necessities for the babies and projects to keep the preschooler busy, and it cost way more than I had anticipated. Now I worried how we would get by on 83 dollars until payday, which was ten days away. The pantry and refrigerator were both empty.  We needed groceries and I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled that would require a copay.   I didn’t see any way we would be able to make it.

My story is that for many years I have lived one step ahead of just enough.  What does that mean?  Well, I’ve experienced years of financial struggles, while an outward appearance made it seem like I had it all.  The truth is, I had options to make things look better than they were, including credit cards, an option to refinance our home or get a second, and a path to find a better paying position.  When things got tight and there wasn’t enough money, there were options. Then one day, there were no more options, credit cards maxed out, no more offers for higher paying positions, and a downturn in the market meant more was owed on the home then its value.  Options were gone; reality had to be faced.  And beyond the reality of facing no more options, I had to face the reality that I had been the one to make the choices.  Now what?  If I’m honest, facing reality is not a very easy thing to do.  I spiraled down into a tunnel of darkness.  Seeing no way out, I became withdrawn and cocooned in the darkness. The hopelessness wrapped around me, keeping me paralyzed and alone.When I was in this cocooned place, I could not move or see any light of hope.

So, did I ever get out of that dark place? After all it’s not a fun place to be!  Slowly, I started to see light, but it was a process!  A slow and painful process with hard lessons.  Even writing this blog is not easy, because all the facades, prestenses and masks had to come down.  I had become comfortable with the life I presented, facades and all.  Right now, today, there is no more false outward appearance, just the plain and simple truth. That is how I can write that I have just enough. Yes, just enough for today, for every day and that is a good place to be.

So, what happened? Well, it was only through the grace of God.  He helped me to see that I had enough, even if it was just enough.  He showed me that all I needed was just enough for today, for this minute. Have you heard a similar story? While in the wilderness, God gave the Israelites manna for each day. They were instructed to collect just enough for that day. If they gathered more and hoarded it, the manna rotted.

Even knowing the story from the Bible didn’t make it easier.  It was still a very slow process of accepting that I was going to be okay and God was in control. It meant I took things little by little, day by day. In time, I started to see light through the darkness giving me hope.  There is a big lesson here that God really wants me to learn and live by, which I’m trying so hard to grasp.  To be totally honest it’s not always enjoyable.  The most important lesson He wanted to teach me is that while I have less than I would like— financially or in any other area—I need to trust Him.  He will give me what I need, like he always has, just enough.  A second but just as important lesson is that I am not alone on this journey of life; He is here alongside me.  The third lesson and probably hardest is that He needs my story for His glory.  I’m not the only one who has struggled with whether they have enough and I need to be able to be open so others can feel understood and know that they are not alone. He is asking me to be vulnerable and that’s why I am sharing. He gives us all enough. Sometimes just enough, but enough.

I still catch myself worrying whether I have enough, yet God is right there reminding me that He is enough.  Of course, I might need to do some things differently, make some changes in my lifestyle.  All of these feel different, perhaps even scary. Although I may be uncomfortable with the shifts and there are even things I don’t want to change, in the end, it will be okay And more importantly, I will be ok.  My job is to trust and know that Just Enough is His plan! 

So, you may be wondering, what happened when I only had 83 dollars?  With ten days before the next paycheck would come in, we would receive absolutely just enough for each day.  An unexpected refund hit our account, a client called for an emergency appointment, and I even found a check that I had not deposited.  In the end we made it to payday with, you guessed it,  Just Enough!